When I was in my sophomore year, this girl Nancy that was my classmate did a tarot reading for me. This is not to dispute or agree with tarot only to state the basis of my upcoming thoughts. Back then I was an awkward scrawny little thing with hardly any confidence at all. Boys didn’t like me since I was just too boyish. Anyway, she told me I would seek out docile boyfriends, ones I could dominate, ones that would do whatever I said.
Thank you Nancy, for implanting those ideas into my subconscious and allowing them to actually happen (but not all the time), because they’ve helped me through many situations.
However, I’m tired. I’m tired of being the strongest person I know. I’m so over demanding what I want and receiving it. I want to be sweet for once to get what I want. I always wanted to be a damn girl not an intimidating slice of woman. This is not to say that I won’t do what I have to do when I need to but only to acknowledge my desire to be something else if I wish. The hell I care to all the feminist, really, because behind the intelligent and formidable exterior, there’s just a grown a** little girl with her knight.
***this entry can also be found here.
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