Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Horrible Feeling

I hate what's going on with me these past few days. Everything seems not to work out right. Everything! Part of me is negative..and there is a very small part of me IS trying to be positive. I thought to myself "maybe they're trying to get it right first time around".

I'm still sick. I had my health appraisal again yesterday. And this morning I went back to see my doc. Lots of blood tests..and even stress test. I had a terrible chest pain. It seems like there is something in my chest.. maybe I strained some muscles. Well yes my muscles don't get enough blood..and I am in agony. It's Also known as Angina, so there was like a squeezing pain in my chest..I could also feel the pain in my shoulders, arms, neck, and back. Ugh. I even had the worst sleep last night because of these hideous slicing pains. I hope my boyfriend doesn't read this. I just don't want him to worry. We were together after his work.. picked him up from his office..went to buy diapers for his baby. He is a busy guy and appreciate the time he had spent with me today.. his undivided time, that is. Lately, he seems moody and I truly understand why. And I don't know when would be the best time that I can joke around with him.. I just hope I could see him smile and laugh again. A loud laugh with no pretenses...no faking. I miss him. I miss the old "him".. the one who talks alot..and laughs laughs laughs. Shit.. I really need a wand, and wave it so that everything will be better for him.

I'm still craving for my night life. Honestly, I miss going out..ya know..the real party (don't get me wrong here..I love the changes in me, but sometimes I need to go out)..I'm severely antisocial and overbusy now. Why? because i'm saddled with work! a girl's gotta live, ya know.

anyway, I hate making posts like these, but I just wanted to make a note that I'm always bitchin', I'm inlove and I am just totally overwhelmed and totally like, OMFG. Zombie shit for brains, really. you don't want to have to talk to me right now. Hah.

things SHOULD level out soon. i think.
I miss my giggly people-pestering & curious self.


  1. Hey MARIE,

    Hang in there 'kay? Ups and downs, that's what life's all about. I'm going through some tough times now as well. And though it's frustrating and I get nervous and impatient often, I know I've gone through tough times before.

    My hope is that things will get better and I know they will in time. It's hard though to stay patient and keep going though.

    You try to make changes in your life and you don't get results soon enough. It's disheartening, but if you've searched your soul and are sure you're moving in the right direction, have some faith and patience and keep going.

    Have some fun but do it in moderation. (=- Don't fret MARIE. I hope you recover in due time. I'm not sure if you're suffering from something chronic or not but do what you're told to keep it in check.

    Ciao for now MARIE


  2. I know I can't get results in an instant. And it's really frustrating because life sometimes doesn't turn out the way I want it..and when it does, I do not actually know what's really going on. I'm just hoping that things will settle down for me soon.

    Thanks Ted, that is the nicest thing anyone has said in awhile. :)

    I'll be fine when noodles is cooked. :)