The Cheating Cycle

Crappy crappy day! My pc got reformatted by my brother thinking there was something wrong. I was pissed that I lost all of my files. To make the long story short, I had to install some programs again to make me feel better. First thing is yahoo messenger and chatted with my boyfriend.

To ruin my day more, the ex was sending me emails again and IM-ed me as well. He got upset with my reply to his first email and couldn't accept the fact that I'm totally not interested with him anymore. With that said, he started calling me a bitch and brought back the issue that was dead long time ago.

Here's the chat to enlighten you all:

(Sorry for the typo, I was supposed to say "I don't remember I went out without telling you." Actually, there are a lot of typos, I was shaking when typing them.. so whatever.)

Well, believe it or not.. I have never cheated my ex's and will never cheat with my boyfriend. I don't cheat whenever I am on a serious relationship. Not in my adult life at any rate. I can see you all rolling your eyes with disbelief. I only had gotten off so lightly by them cheating on me.

You see.. every boyfriend I have had was always caught cheating. And even if I caught them cheating, I still gave them another chance...caught cheating again..gave them one more chance.. and caught cheating again.. until I have decided at one point to leave them. There's a downside too, most of my ex's were still trying to communicate with me.. I don't know why. Maybe they're not yet done hurting me? All of them gave me emotional, physical and mental stress.. I don't want to talk to any of them anymore. They are all simply cheaters. Of all the heartaches and pains, I still continued to love them, even if what they all did was a slap in the face.

The "all" in that statement sounds like there has been a lot of them. There has not. There has been 4, and they all just cheated. If all of them just simply left me just because they wanted to leave me, then I would have a legitimate reason to be crossed, and feel hard done by. But they did not. The only common denominator of all these is ME. I seemed to simply be not enough, and that was hard to stomach.

I know I was a bitch, and I still get hurt in the process when called like that. My life before was useless, pointless and no direction at all. I am still in the process of making everything almost perfect. Let me just say I have changed a lot, and there's one man who changed me for the better. With him, I feel safe. I don't want to go back to that cycle anymore.

I don't intend to tell you my dirty laundry for all of you too hear (or read to be exact) It's just that I don't want everything to turn upside down. I am very delicate.

I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and the reason isn't always clear. I know there are still things needed to be changed, and that's for the better.