Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I Hate Myself!

They say that when all you do is laugh the whole time, tears will set right in. This is what happened to me today. My boyfriend and I had an arguement this morning, but resolved the issue right away. We have this agreement that he should tell me things that I need to know. Unfortunately, this time he missed telling me that. We met at Starmart last night, right after he came from the hospital. His cousin was also there. So from there, he could have told me something.. but he failed to do that. Until he dropped me off in my workplace. So this morning I then found out something, maybe for him it’s no big deal..but for me it is..though it’s just a little stuff. My point is… he could have told me right away. We have an agreement. An agreement, to be open with each other. Because I would still understand. Even if I get hurt, I still deserve to know. So after my work, I went straight to McDonalds to buy him food and went to his office right away..I just said “bahala na” to myself. He was uneasy when he saw me,and so was I. When I was about to leave he pulled me right in..hugged me, and kissed me.. and he said “it’s ok”. I understood what he meant by that. The best thing that he did was to say sorry. Coz not all people can afford to say that.

So after I left his area, I went to the beach.. and got a calming realization watching the waves..alone. And from there.. I was like somewhere..where I don’t know where I am..mentally, at least.

I sometimes get feelings like this.. it’s kinda hard to explain.. And while watching the waves, basically my whole brain was filled with flashbacks, to the point where I almost forget where I was physically, but I cant fully grasp where I am mentally.

Again, the reason we had an argument was not a big of a deal. ITS JUST ME. I am a mental retard. I just hate who I am. I am a such a small weak jealous person now.

I called my guy friends..i cried because I felt really sad… then i stopped crying because i realized that im just being stupid. And I still feel stupid right now. Then I feel kinda bummy and cranky. But but I got cheered up by these cool friends in lots of different ways. So maybe I should pay them a visit sometime soon.

Anyway, Hec and I are now chatting. Things are ok. He said sorry, and I did the same to him. The important thing is that, we have accepted each other’s mistakes.

I now need a good sleep.

1 comment:

  1. Kung amo man lng na nga ga problema ka sbng mau pa inom na lang tah hehehe! Pati ah.. ano man nga wla ka gna halinan sang prob sa love haw. U are a great and sweet lady i wonder men around u can't make u totally happy. Take care of yourself, and keep smiling! Diputa nde man kme gusto makita nga ga tulo naman mantika mo. Don't hide your problems kay kbalo gd ko nga sagad ka mag tago sang gna batyag mo bisan tudo pa kadlaw mo, u can either talk to me or sa tropa. nami gd ni istoryahan if we have beers in our hands. hhehe. Text or call me, bisan lau pa ko madalagan gd ko da sa tupad mo. baw linte basi kon ano nman obrahon mo sa lwas mo ha? kilala tka! halong! masyar ko da sa oct!may gna obra ako nga new art hehehe!